Becoming A Reality
by TVObssessedGirl28
Summary: When Cal discovers that his birth mother has a degenerative illness, he also discovers that he or Ethan may have inherited it. He decides not to tell Ethan, but when something happens will Cal have the courage to tell him before it's too late?
1. Becoming A Reality

It had been a long day, a non stop shift with him attending two serious RTAs in RESUS. Cal needed a quiet night and he knew Ethan wouldn't mind staying in. Not only had work been stressful but, the past week has been stressful. The week had been even more difficult to deal with since he found out that their birth mum had Huntington's and there was a chance that he or Ethan might have inherited. When he found out he knew he had to tell his brother but, when the time came Cal couldn't bring himself to do it. Noticing his brother was not himself Ethan thought it had something to do with the loss of Matilda and instead of correcting him, Cal just went along and said it was to do with Matilda. Upon entering the flat Cal noticed it was unusual quiet. Normally when Ethan was in before him he would have put on the TV but this time it was deadly silent. Maybe, Cal thought he had gone out to do some shopping. But, he was wrong. As soon as he entered the living room he saw Ethan lying crumpled on the floor, blood oozing from a head wound.

"Ethan!" He said as he collapsed by his brother's side.

"Eth? Can you hear me, mate? Please say something." Cal begged as he shook Ethan's shoulder in hope to get a response.

There was no response from Ethan. Cal began to panic. Suddenly, his doctor instincts pushed through and he played two fingers on his brother's neck to check for a pulse. It was there but, faint. He grabbed his phone from his pocket and dialled 999.

"999 operator, what service do you require?" the voice on the other end asked.

"I need an ambulance."

The operator ended the call. Cal placed Ethan into the recovery position until the ambulance arrived. It wasn't long until he heard a familiar voice.

"Paramedics!"

"Dixie, in here." Cal shouted as the two paramedics entered the room.

"Cal?" Dixie inquired as she and Iain rushed over. "What happened?"

"I don't know. I came home to find him on the floor. He has a nasty head laceration and pulse is there but, very weak." He told them.

"Iain, I need a head and neck collar." Dixie instructed. She turned to Cal. She could see that he was really worried for Ethan.

"He's going to be alright." Dixie reassured him. Cal smiled weakly at her.

Cal jumped in the back with Dixie as Iain drove on their way to the ED. Arriving in the ambulance bay the three of them were met by Zoe, Charlie and Robyn. They all rolled into RESUS. Cal wanted to be with Ethan but, was halted by Charlie before he could enter.

"No, Charlie. I want to help. Please, I need to help." Cal said as he struggled to get pass.

"Cal, you know the rules. No family members allowed. He's in the best hands."

"NO! Don't you dare tell me I can't help!" Cal shouted. He didn't know why he was shouting, he was just worried about Ethan and it was not helping the situation with Charlie blocking his entrance.

"You need to calm down. You're not helping, Ethan."

"Then let me treat him."

"You can't. We'll let you know when we know more."

Cal stepped back and Charlie returned to RESUS. Hovering behind the doors Cal peered into the room and saw his friends hooking Ethan up onto machines and checking vital signs. In the corner of his mind, Cal had a nagging feeling that his worst fear had come true. Could Ethan be showing early symptoms of Huntington's disease? Deep down Cal hoped he was wrong, but if he did then Ethan needed to know the truth before it was too late.


	2. Symptoms and Prognosis

The doors to RESUS swung open and Charlie followed by Zoe came up to Cal. By the look on their faces, Cal couldn't guess whether the news they had was good or bad.

"How is he?" Cal asked apprehensively.

"He's doing okay. We will keep him in for 24 hour obs until we know what caused him to fall." Zoe explains.

"Can I sit with him until then?"

Zoe nodded. She then left to carry on seeing other patients. Charlie was about to head back on his rounds when Cal placed a hand on his arm.

"Charlie."

"Yeah?"

"Do you think it's..." Cal began to say but, was soon cut off.

"Cal, don't even think about that. As far as we know Ethan's collapses could just be down to stress or low blood sugar. We can't speculate until we have to full details and once Ethan is well enough to talk he will be able to fill us in."

Cal nodded and went into RESUS where Ethan lay on a trolley with an oxygen mask placed over his face. At the moment he was resting. He looked too peaceful to disturb so Cal silently went over and pulled up a chair. His hand lingered over Ethan's. He wanted to hold it, to reassure him that he was there but, he couldn't bring himself to do it. Suddenly, Cal noticed Ethan's eyes flicker.

"Ethan?" Cal asked. "Ethan, can you open your eyes for me?"

"Cal?"

"Yeah, I'm here."

"Where am I?"

"In hospital."

Ethan looked around a bit confused and dazed. Cal noticed his confusion.

"You don't remember?" He asked.

Ethan shook his head. He didn't remember anything. The monitor soon registered an increase in Ethan's heart rate. Cal noticed the rapid beeping of the machines. Cal stood up from where he sat and placed a comforting hand on Ethan's shoulder.

"Hey, hey. Calm down. You're okay. You just need to relax."

"What happened?" Ethan asked taking a few deep breaths.

Cal sat back down.

"You collapsed and banged your head on the coffee table. I found you unconscious when I returned home from work." Cal explained.

"How long was I unconscious for?"

"Don't know. You seemed to regain consciousness when we rolled you into RESUS."

Cal could see that Ethan was begin to get tired and so not wanting to keep him awake any longer he decided it would be a good time to leave him to rest. He stood up from his seat. As soon as his back was turned there was a sound he didn't want to hear. The sound of the metal railing clattering. Cal turned to see Ethan's body jerking. Rushing over he pressed the red button and turned Ethan onto his side hoping the seizure would subside.

"What's happened?" Zoe asked as she, Charlie and Robyn rushed through. Cal turned around still holding onto Ethan.

"I don't know. He just started fitting."

"Charlie, can I have 5 mg of Diazepam." Zoe instructed as she helped Cal keep Ethan still.

While Zoe and Cal kept hold Charlie administered the drug. Within a few seconds it was administered the seizure subsided. Zoe and Cal gently rolled Ethan onto his back and replaced the oxygen mask over his face. All four of them stepped away from the trolley and huddled together.

"Okay, let's order a CT scan. We need to see if there could be any damage to his brain. His head laceration wasn't that deep so it couldn't have been that that caused him to have seizure. There must be something else we're missing." Zoe said.

Cal waited nervously for the CT results to come back. Cal sat beside Ethan holding his hand. Soon Ethan came around.

"Hey, Nibbles." Cal said.


	3. More Symptoms

Over the next couple of days Ethan seemed to be improving with the occasional seizure. The CT results had come back all clear and yet they were no where near to figuring what was causing his seizures. Ethan had been discharged and was getting ready to be taken home by Cal when he suddenly felt a sudden movement in his legs. He thought it would stop but, it didn't. He turned to walk over to collect his belonging when he stumbled just as Charlie entered the room.

"Woah." Charlie said as he caught Ethan just as he fell.

"I'm okay." Ethan told him.

Charlie wasn't to convinced so he helped manoeuvre Ethan back onto the bed. Ethan tried to get back out but, Charlie blocked him.

"Charlie, I said I was fine."

"Ethan, you almost fell again."

"I just tripped."

"There was nothing to trip over. We need to see what's causing you to stumble like this. I'll go get Zoe."

With his response Charlie left the room. Ethan groaned and rested his head against the pillow. As soon as Charlie closed the door Ethan moved out of the bed. He placed his feet on the ground and was about to stand up when his legs gave way and he crumpled to the floor. Attempting to get up he realised he couldn't feel his legs. Why couldn't he feel his legs? Starting to panic Ethan tried to pull himself up off the floor, but it was no use his legs wouldn't cooperate.

"Ethan!" Zoe called as she and Charlie entered the room. "What happened?"

"I don't know. I tried to stand up and then I felt my legs give way. I can't feel my legs." Ethan replied his voice shaking with panic.

"It's okay, Ethan, we'll figure out what's going on." Zoe replied as she and Charlie helped him back onto the the trolley.

Once Ethan was placed back on the trolley the metal rails suddenly made a rattling sound as Ethan's legs began to jerk up and down.

"What's... happening?" Ethan asked.

Zoe and Charlie turned to face each other. They had noticed that Ethan's voice was beginning to slur.

"Ethan, can you talk again?" Zoe said.

"Why...what's... wrong?"

Again his voice was becoming slurred. Ethan's eyes grew wide as he realised his voice was becoming weird. He began to get agitated, thrashing about on the trolley as he heard his voice. Charlie came over to him and tried to restrain him. Charlie's attempt at trying to calm him was not helping, so Zoe took over and instructed him to find Cal. Leaving Zoe to reassure Ethan, Charlie made his way down to reception. He was about to ask Noel if he had seen Cal when Charlie spotted him filling out some paperwork.

"Cal?"

Cal finished what he was doing. Turning around he could see the worry in Charlie's face. His stomach tightened.

"Charlie, what is it?"

"We need you."

"Why?"

Charlie took a deep breath.

"It's Ethan."

For a minute Cal's heart stopped.

"What?"

"He's developing more symptoms. His leg movements are jerky, voice is becoming slurred and he can't feel his legs." Charlie explained.

The fear of Ethan having Huntington's grew in Cal's mind.

"But, that's..." Cal said hoarsely.

"We can't confirm it's that." Charlie replied quickly. "But, from what I've seen it could possibly be Huntington's."

"And if it is?"

Charlie looked at him.

"Then we're going to have to tell Zoe and Ethan."

Cal placed his head in his hands. This was not how he wanted Ethan to find out. But, he knew Charlie was right. Together the two of them headed back up to where Ethan was being kept. Inside the room Ethan had his eyes closed and he seemed to be calmer.

"Sorry, Cal." Zoe started. "But, we had to sedate him. He was becoming restless."

Cal nodded.

"Uh, do we know what's causing his symptoms?" Cal inquired not wanting to tell Zoe that his brother could have inherited a degenerative illness.

"I'm afraid we don't. We've order some more tests." Zoe informed him.

"Right."

Charlie knew what Cal was doing. He gave a little cough and urged Cal to tell Zoe. Zoe noticed the unspoken conversation between the two men and realised they knew something that she didn't.

"What?" Zoe asked looking between the two of them.

"Uh...The reason why Ethan is showing these symptoms is because he might have inherited Huntington's." Cal told her.

"Huntington's?"

"Yeah, our mother, well birth mother had the illness and when she gave us away she didn't tell our adoptive parents. I've only found out a couple of weeks ago."


	4. Diagnosis

"Cal, I have to tell you this, but if Ethan has got Huntington's you do know what that means?" Zoe said.

Cal sighed. Of course he knew what it meant. It meant that Ethan was going to lose all his facilities, he was going to lose his independence. And Cal couldn't bear the thought of losing him to the horrible disease.

"I do." he finally spoke.

"And you know you're going to have to prepare yourself for the worst." Zoe added.

Cal nodded slowly.

"Okay, but before we can diagnose Huntington's we are going to order another CT scan, get neuro down here and psyche. Once we know what they've discovered we'll take it from there." Zoe continued.

Zoe stopped next to Cal on her way back out of the room.

"Try not to worry."

"Worry? How can I not worry?" Cal said. "Ethan may have inherited a nasty illness from our mother."

"I know it's going to be difficult to take in, but he's going to need our support, your support."

With that last remark she left Cal alone. Charlie followed Zoe out. It was just him with Ethan now. Cal walked over to where Ethan lay and stroked his hair. It was then Cal finally broke down as the reality hit home.

"I'm so sorry, Ethan. You shouldn't have found out like this. I should have told you the moment I found out. Now, it's too late and it's all my fault. It's my fault you're like this. My fault you are going to suffer. I promise you this, I will be there for you. I will look after you."

Tears fell down his cheeks as he sobbed. He was going to lose his little brother and he was to blame. The next few hours Cal waited felt like Hell to him. They were all still waiting for the results. Nothing could be done until the results were through. All he could do was wait and watch by Ethan's side. Zoe was on her break in the staffroom when there was a quiet knock at the door. The door opened to reveal Charlie.

"CT scan have come back."

Zoe walked over to Charlie and looked at the scan. Looking at the image Zoe could see there were a few abnormalities with the results. It wasn't looking good and both she and Charlie knew it.

"What did neuro say?" Charlie asked while Zoe carried on looking at the scan.

"His muscle movements were a bit jerky and once or twice when they asked him a few questions his speech became slurred."

Zoe sighed. She didn't know how she was going to tell Cal that Ethan had Huntington's. It was going to be a complete shock to both of them. After looking at the scan for a second time and given what neuro and psyche had told her, Zoe knew the diagnosis was correct. She just needed to tell them. She and Charlie stopped outside the room.

"How am I going to tell them, Charlie?"

"You're just going to have to. There's no easy way of telling them."

Zoe nodded her head. Before entering she knocked on the door. Cal turned around as he heard the door opening. Their faces told him everything he needed to know.

"He's got it, hasn't he?" Cal announced in a whisper. "Ethan's got Huntington's."


	5. Facing Reality

"I'm so sorry, but, yes. I'm afraid Ethan has got Huntington's." Zoe told him even though she didn't need to.

Cal let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. His worst fear had come true and Ethan was paying the consequences. He should have told him sooner, should have listened to Charlie the moment they went to see his birth mother. But, being stubborn as usual he didn't. He thought he could keep it to himself for the moment. Thought he could find out more before telling Ethan. Now it was too late. Now he had to face the fact that Ethan was going to suffer. Cal was lost in his own thoughts that he didn't even notice Ethan waking up. He heard a small cough and turned around. Seeing his brother lying on the bed with no idea what he had hurt Cal more than ever. How was he going to tell Ethan that he had inherited a degenerative illness? How was he going to tell him that their mum wasn't their real mum? Ethan saw the expressions on their faces and knew instantly that they had the results to the tests. He pulled the oxygen mask over his face.

"What is it?" His voice a bit hoarse.

"We've got results back from your CT scan and..." Zoe started but was cut off.

"Listen to me, Nibbles." Cal said using his nickname in hope of easing the situation. "I know what we're about to tell you will come as a bit of a shock, but I just want you to know that no matter what happens from now I will be there for you and I'm sorry."

"What do you mean 'sorry'?" Ethan wondered.

Cal looked at Zoe and then back to his brother.

"I'm afraid you've got Huntington's." Cal told him.

Ethan's breath hitched as the news hit him. He placed the oxygen mask back over his face taking a few deep breaths. Cal's heart broke as he saw Ethan become confused and agitated. Reassuringly he placed a hand on his shoulder to calm him.

"How is that possible? How can I have Huntington's? Mum didn't have it."

It was then Cal couldn't look him in the eye. He got up a walked away from the bed. He knew he was going to have to tell him. He just needed to figure out how.

"No, she didn't. You are right. But, she wasn't our mum."

"What do you mean she wasn't our mum? Of course she was our mum?" Ethan told him. "Why would you say a thing like that?"

"No, she wasn't. We're adopted."

Ethan's heart stopped the moment he heard those words come out of Cal's mouth.

"Adopted?"

Cal nodded.

"How long have you known?" Ethan asked feeling ager rise within him.

"What?"

"How long have you known?" Ethan repeated.

"About a week."

"A WEEK? YOU'VE KNOWN FOR ABOUT A WEEK!" Ethan shouted his breathing becoming laboured.

"Yes."

"And what? You didn't think it would be a good idea to tell me?"

"Yes...no. I don't know. I wanted to tell you I did but, there was never a right time."

Ethan was becoming more stressed and the machines were making erratic noises.

"'Ethan, you need to calm down. Take deep breaths." Cal told him as he kept the oxygen mask over his face.

Ethan struggled trying to push away Cal's hand. He couldn't believe it.

"Eth, I'm trying to help."

"Help? Like when you thought you were helping when you decided to keep this piece of news from me?"

"I'm sorry okay? I wanted to tell you but, how could I? When I found out that I was adopted the worst part was realising you might not be my brother. And then when I discovered we were both adopted I was thrilled. But, when our birth mum told me she had the illness the feeling I felt when I thought you were not my brother came back. I couldn't bare the thought that either one of us could possible have inherited it. I didn't want to think about you having it. That's why I didn't tell you. I was scared, like I'm scared now. I'm scared because now it's real. The one person I care about the most, the one person who's always been there for me since we were kid, my safety net has got it and there's nothing I can do. There is no cure. I can't help you get better. I'm scared because I know what's coming up for you, scared because I know that some time in the future I'm going to have to watch my little brother, a brother I love deteriorate in front of me. I can't deal with that. I can't deal with the fact I have to prepare myself for the worst. I can't deal with the fact I'm going to watch my brother die. How was I suppose to tell you? How was I suppose to when I couldn't face the truth? I'm sorry, Eth for not telling you. I just don't want to lose you."

Cal took in a couple breaths after delivering that speech. He wiped the tears away from his eyes. He'd never been so scared in life and now here he was having to face the truth. Having to tell his brother he had a life threatening illness. Ethan saw Cal took this to heart and had to admit he felt a bit guilty for shouting at him, but he just couldn't understand why he didn't tell him when he found out. Ethan motioned to Cal to come to him. He took hold of his brother's hand in his.

"I'm sorry too. I should't have shouted." Ethan told him.

"No, I'm sorry. I know I should have told you, I was just scared. I am scared." Cal replied gripping Ethan's hand.

"I'm scared too. But, you know what? We'll get through this. " Ethan said.

Cal smiled weakly at him. He couldn't believe Ethan was trying to stay strong for both of them. He couldn't believe he was reassuring him everything would be alright. It should be the other way round. Cal should be the one reassuring his brother. Instead Ethan was. Zoe and Charlie sneaked out of the room leaving the two brothers time to be alone. For the rest of the day Cal remained by Ethan's side as the two of them discussed what was going to happen next. The road ahead was uncertain but, what they did know was that together they would pull through. Cal promised Ethan he was going to be there for him, was going to support him. He was going to be the big brother he was and the one Ethan deserved.


	6. Starting to Decline

**_6 months later….._**

The news about Ethan's condition had travelled around the ED. Their friends and colleagues came offering their support and sympathies, but to Cal none of their words didn't mean anything. Yes, it was kind of them to offer their words of support however, he knew it wouldn't change the fact that Ethan was dying. Ever since the diagnosis Cal could see Ethan decline as the weeks went by. Now Ethan relied on crutches some days to help him move around and occasionally Ethan slurred his words. Cal felt helpless as he saw what was happening to his brother. He tried to help him where he could but, knowing Ethan had to rely on him to do some things, things that he could do before frustrated Ethan and he lost his temper when he couldn't manage to do a simple task. It broke Cal's heart seeing his brother beat himself up. He knew he had to be strong for Ethan. He had promised to support him and he would keep his promise.

It was around 5 o'clock Cal had stayed home. Ethan was getting worse and so he needed to be there just in case something happened. Cal was relaxing on the sofa thinking when he heard a THUMP. He shot out of his seat and ran to where the noise came from. He knocked on Ethan's door.

"Ethan?"

No answer. He tried again.

"Eth?"

Nothing.

"ETHAN!" He said louder. "Nibbles? Answer me."

Still silence.

Panic beginning to grow Cal turned the door handle to open it. The door wouldn't budge. He rattled the hand just to see if it would make a difference. It didn't. The door was locked. Ethan had locked it. Ethan never locked the door. To Cal this wasn't a good sign, the knot in his stomach began to tighten. He banged his shoulder against the frame hoping it would budge. It didn't. Worrying thoughts rushed through Cal's mind.

 _Why had Ethan locked his door?_

 _What had Ethan done?_

He hoped that Ethan was sleeping and he locked the door because he didn't want to be disturbed. Taking a 10p coin out from his pocket Cal placed it into the keyhole. Jiggling the coin up and down for a few seconds he heard a click. Turning the handle Cal was met with a terrifying sight in front of him.


	7. Ending Life

There out cold on the bedroom floor lay Ethan and beside him an empty bottle of pills. Cal froze to the spot the minute he saw Ethan unconscious. Then bringing himself out of his shock he rushed over to him. Kneeling down beside him he grabbed the bottle. Paracetamol.

"What have you done, Ethan?" Cal said as he looked at the empty bottle.

Ethan had taken an overdose. Cal sighed. How could he have missed the signs? How could he not have seen Ethan struggling? He had been by his side a whole week and he hadn't noticed. What kind of brother was he? Pulling his phone out from his pocket Cal dialed 999.

"999 operator. What service do you require?"

"I need an ambulance. It's my brother. He's taken an overdose of paracetamol and is unconscious. Breathing is there but laboured, pulse is slow at 35."

"An ambulance is on it's way. ETA 5 minutes."

"Cal? What on earth has happened?" Dixie asked as she entered the familiar house. But, she didn't need an answer. She saw the scene in front of her as she and Iain entered the room.

"Ethan." Iain whispered.

"He's tried to kill himself. Overdose on paracetamol." Cal choked.

Dixie knelt down beside Cal and placed two fingers on Ethan's neck.

"Alright, can you update me on his vitals?" She asked him.

"Breathing is laboured. Pulse is slow at 35 and has remained unconscious for about an hour." Cal replied trying to keep his composure.

"Right, we need to get him to Holby before he suffers a cardiac arrest. Iain get a trolley." Dixie instructed. "Wait scratch that. He's lost his output. I can't feel his pulse."

Cal stepped away. He couldn't deal with what he was seeing. Dixie was starting chest compressions while Iain pumped oxygen into his brother hoping to restart his heart. Every time Dixie pushed down on Ethan's chest hurt Cal more than he would care to admit.

"Dix, he's gone into VF." Iain informed her.

"Right, let's shock him. Charging."

Cal had to look away when he heard the defibrillator send a shock through Ethan and he jolted up. He held his breath hoping Ethan would have an output.

"Come on, Ethan!" Dixie said as she continued chest compressions.

"Come on, mate." Iain urged.

30 minutes into a second round of chest compressions and another shock there was still no output. The three of them hastily placed Ethan on a trolley and drove as fast as they could to the hospital.

"Okay, Ethan has been unconscious for at least 2 hours. Went into cardiac arrest about 10 minutes ago. We had to shock him twice and two rounds of 30 chest compressions. He's had 2 litres of saline." Dixie informed Zoe as they rolled into RESUS.

The team worked frantically as they tried to restart Ethan's heart. Cal watched on helplessly from outside the doors. He prayed Ethan would pull through. He couldn't imagine life without his little brother. Cal felt a hand on his shoulder.

"He'll pull through, mate." Max told him. "You'll see."

Then there was a sound no one wanted to hear. A sound Cal didn't want to hear.

"He's flatlining! Charlie start CPR and I want 5 mg of adrenaline." Cal heard Zoe instruct through the doors.

Cal couldn't stay there any longer. He needed some fresh air and so he ran. Ran away from RESUS, from the hospital. He couldn't be in there. Couldn't stay while his brother died in front of him. He ignored Max shouting at him, telling him to come back. He just ran. Cal screamed as he punched his fist into the wall. Why did Ethan have to kill himself? Why did Ethan have to have this horrible disease? If Cal could he would switch places with Ethan in a heartbeat. If he could he would wish he had it instead. He would rather he have it than his little brother. What seemed like ages, Charlie soon found Cal sitting on a bench outside the pub.

"How's he doing?" Cal asked as Charlie sat beside him.

"He's stable, but not out of the woods just yet." The older man replied.

"Why, Charlie? Why did he do it?"

Charlie shrugged his shoulders.

"I've seen this many times, Cal. So many times people give up because they can't bare the thought of losing their independence, can't bare the thought that they have to rely on others around them to help them. They do it because they don't want to be a burden."

"But, he isn't a burden. Won't be a burden. How can he think that? He's got me." Cal said tears filling his eyes.

"I know you don't want to hear this but, the outcome doesn't look good. He went into VF and asystole twice and our attempts at resuscitating him isn't working. He couldn't breath on his own so we had to intubate him. I hate to say this but, I think it's time to consider..." But Charlie didn't finish his sentence. He knew Cal knew what he was talking about.

"You mean ending his life."


	8. What Do I Do?

Cal was stuck between sparing his brother's suffering and doing what he thought was best. He didn't want to see his brother suffer anymore than he had to but, at the same time he didn't want to end his life. Cal knew it sounded selfish but, how could he kill his brother? It had been an hour since Charlie had informed him about the option of switching of the machine, but Cal couldn't bring himself to make that decision. He still hadn't gone in to see Ethan not since he was brought in and he didn't know if he could. Sat in the staffroom Cal kept thinking about what he was going to do. The door to the room opened and Zoe entered.

"Cal?"

Cal didn't look up from where he sat. He heard Zoe approach him. Kneeling down in front of him Zoe placed a hand on his knee.

"I assume Charlie's informed you about Ethan's condition." She said quietly. "And I know this is a difficult decision to make, but have you decided what to do next?"

It was then Cal lost it. The anger he had been keeping at bay suddenly exploded.

"HOW CAN YOU THINK I WOULD CHOOSE TO END MY BROTHER'S LIFE? I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE ASKING ME TO KILL HIM!"

"Cal..." Zoe said softly.

"NO! YOU WANT ME TO SWITCH OFF THE MACHINE THAT'S KEEPING HIM ALIVE, IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?"

Zoe shook her head.

"No, of course it's not what we want want. But, it's what Ethan's want."

Cal scoffed.

"What Ethan wants? How do you know it's what he wants?"

Zoe looked at him knowingly.

"Cal, he tried to kill himself. He took an overdose."

Zoe saw Cal was in denial about Ethan's mental health. She knew he wouldn't accept the fact that his brother had attempted to end his life. She knew it was a tough decision to make, knowing you were going to end your brother's life but, Cal needed to make that decision. No one else could.

"Look, I know you don't want to make that decision and I know it's not an easy one to make but..."

Cal looked at Zoe where he stood.

"Easy? Of course, it's not easy. But, I'm not going to make that decision. I won't kill my brother."

"Cal, you know that's unprofessional. If Ethan wants to die then you should let him. Let him have his final wish." Zoe said sadly.

"How is that unprofessional? We're doctors. It's our job to make sure they have a chance of surviving."

"Even if the chance of surviving is non-existent?" Zoe asked.

In his mind Cal knew Zoe was right. He knew it was selfish of him to keep Ethan alive against his wishes. But, his heart kept telling him that Ethan didn't want to die. That he didn't mean to kill himself. It was then Cal broke down and collapsed on the floor shoulders heaving as he sobbed.

"I just can't lose him, Zoe. How can I switch off the machine knowing he's my little brother? How am I supposed to live knowing I was the one who ended his life? He's all I got left, the only one I can call my family. I know I've found my birth mum but, she wasn't the one who cared for me. She wasn't the one who I grew up with. Ethan was. How can I deal with the thought of losing the only family member I have left?"

"I don't know. But, what I do know is that Ethan is in there struggling. He's struggling knowing what his life holds for him. And for him the only way out, the only way to end his suffering is to end his life. It may not be fair on those who love him, those who care about him but, it is Ethan's decision."

"I'm not going to end his life. I'm going to help him get through this. I'm going to be there for him."

"Cal..."

"No, I'm not going to let him die!"

And with his final answer Cal left the staffroom.


	9. Unable to Cope

It was end of a long shift, most of the team were in the pub. However, the atmosphere was very somber. Everyone had their minds on Ethan and Cal. They all knew Cal was in denial. They couldn't imagine being in his position. But, what they did know was whatever decision Cal made he would have their support.

"How's he doing?" Rita asked.

"Cal?" Zoe asked.

"Yeah."

"Not too good. He's still not accepting the fact that this it what Ethan's wants."

"It is a tough decision to make, but I can understand where he's coming from."

"I do too."

"Another round?" Iain asked trying to lighten up the mood a bit.

Everyone nodded. Iain had just brought the second round of drinks when the door to the pub swung open.

"Guys, you need to come quick. It's Cal!" Lofty announced breathlessly.

The others forgot about their drinks and followed Lofty outside. Once they reached the ambulance bay Lofty pointed upwards. Looking to where he was point everyone gasped. Standing on the roof edge was Cal. They all knew what he was thinking. Zoe stepped forward from the crowd that was beginning to form.

"Cal? Please come down." She said trying to take control of the situation.

"No. Ethan's dying and when he dies I've got nothing left. I might as well go with him too." Cal called as he took another step closer to the edge.

"Cal!" Lofty shouted. "Please don't do this, mate."

"Look we know you don't want to make this decision. We know you don't want to switch of the machine but, think about what you're doing. What about Ethan? What do you think he would say if he knew you were ending your life?" Zoe wondered.

"It doesn't matter what Ethan thinks, does it? He's going to die anyway. All you're asking me to do is to make it easier for him. All you're telling me to do is end his life before he does."

"Please, mate. Ethan wouldn't want you do this." Max added scared for Cal.

"Ethan wouldn't want me to do this? What about what I want?" Cal cried as he continued to step closer to the edge. "What about the fact that I don't want to kill my brother?"

"Cal, please. We know you don't want to kill him, we know you don't want to watch your brother die in front of you. Neither do we but, we also know you don't want to watch him suffer. Ethan wouldn't want you to kill yourself. How do you think he would feel?"

"HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL?" Cal screamed. "I HAVE TO MAKE THE DECISION! I HAVE TO DECIDE WHETHER I KEEP MY BROTHER ALIVE OR NOT!"

"Mate, I know it's difficult and I know you're going to have a hard time dealing with it, but Ethan has already decided. He can't go on living like he is." Lofty explained. "Now, I know you wouldn't want him to suffer."

"Maybe, just maybe he doesn't want to die." Cal said attempting to get them to see his perspective.

"Cal," Zoe said. "You know as well as I do that this won't be the first time he'll try to kill himself. You're going to have accept that."

"Well, then if that's to be your final decision then I might as well do it. I might as well jump."

"No, Cal! Don't." Zoe shouted. "Look, please just come down from there. Just come down and we can talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about. Ethan's going to die. There I've accepted it."

It fell silent for a few minutes. Then the silence was broken.

"Why does it have to be like this? Why does he get to choose to die and I don't?" Cal pleaded. "It's not fair. None of it is."

His colleagues' attempts to get Cal to come down from the roof were futile and their concern for him grew every time he took one step forward towards the edge. Cal could sense their worry, but what did he care? He didn't. All he cared about was Ethan, all he wanted to do was be with his brother and if that meant killing him and then himself he would. It didn't scare him. He just needed to close his eyes and let go. And he did. Cal stepped over the edge of the roof and...

"CAL!"


	10. Against Time

"CAL!" Zoe shouted as she and the rest of the team watched as he tumbled over the ledge.

His body made contact with the ground with a great impact. The team rushed over.

"Dix, I need a trolley. Charlie, I need a litre of saline." Zoe ordered while she stablised Cal's neck.

The others stood in shock, they couldn't believe what had just happened. Blood was oozing out and surrounding his body. Lofty was attempting CPR.

"Come on, mate! Don't do this to us. Don't do this to Ethan. Think about him. He's going to need his big brother." Lofty said as he pushed down on Cal's chest.

Once in RESUS the team rushed around hooking Cal up to wires, machines, bloods and anything else they could think of. So far their attempts at restarting his heart were in vain, he had no output.

"Right, can I get a CT scan, call neuro and I want another 2 litres of saline with 5 units of blood." Zoe instructed as she kept looking at the vitals on the machine. "We're going to need to see what we're dealing with if we have a chance at keeping him alive.

"Zoe," Rita whispered as she stood next to her. "You saw how far he fell. His chance of surviving is small."

"We can at least try! I'm not going to lose two of our colleagues tonight."

Lofty was still doing CPR. Zoe took out a light and shone it into Cal's eyes.

"Great. His pupils have blown. We need to get him into theatre immediately."

"Who's going to inform Ethan if he wakes up?" Robyn inquired as they started to roll Cal up to surgery.

"I'll sit with him." Lofty replies.

"Yeah, me too." Max said.

While the others took Cal upstairs Max and Lofty headed up to the room where Ethan was being kept. The room was silent and both Max and Lofty pulled up a couple of chairs next to the bed.

"Do you think we should tell him?" Max asked not sure of what to do.

"We could." Lofty replied. "I mean we don't know when or if he's going to wake up."

"But, he can hear us right?"

"Yes. As far as we know his brain is capable of processing information so he should still be able to hear us."

Lofty leaned forward.

"Ethan, mate I don't know if you can hear me but, I've got something to tell you."

Before Lofty to tell him what the machines registered a faster beep and Lofty noticed a slight movement in Ethan's eyes. Lofty took hold of his hands. He felt a squeeze.

"Max, can you talk to him while I'll go and page Zoe?" Lofty informed him.

Max nodded and Lofty left to get Zoe. Minutes later he returned with Zoe. Although Lofty had told her that he had checked his vitals she doubled check to make sure. Happy with what they showed Zoe with Lofty's help removed the tube from Ethan's throat. Zoe placed her stethoscope upon Ethan's chest. He had equal breath sounds and seemed to breathing with help from the ventilator.

"Cal?" Ethan asked hoarsely as his eyes flickered open.


	11. Breaking the News

When no one answered him, Ethan knew something had happened. He could sense something was wrong. He tried to sit up to look at the expressions on their face but, was held back by Zoe.

"Ethan, you need to stay lying down." Zoe told him.

"Where's Cal? What's happened to him?" He asked starting to panic.

His panicking only made his breathing worse and the machines began to become erratic. Zoe placed the oxygen mask over his face to help calm him down.

"Zoe, where's Cal?" Ethan asked again more firmly this time.

"You need to calm down for me."

"For goodness sakes! Just tell me! Where is Cal?"

Zoe sighed. She didn't know how she was going to break the news to him. How was she supposed to tell him that Cal had tried to kill himself? She looked at Max and Lofty before speaking.

"Ethan, Cal is in surgery at the moment."

"Surgery?" He asked confused.

"Yes."

"How? Why?"

"He um..." But Zoe couldn't finish her sentence.

"He jumped off the roof, mate." Lofty finished.

"What? Why did he do that."

"He couldn't deal with the thought of losing you." Max added.

"And so he decided it would be better if he killed himself?" Ethan shouted a bit angry.

"He did. I know it's difficult of you take in but, he's really beating himself up about it. When he found you unconscious on the floor it broke his heart."

"It's not his fault that I'm in this situation." Ethan replied.

"Of course, it's not, but he feels like he should have told you sooner before all of this happened."

"Yeah, he should have. But, it's done. Nothing can change the fact that I'm dying. I don't want Cal to blame himself. I know it's going tear him apart when I go but, he has to accept it. Just make sure he's okay."

"Ethan, what are you saying?" Zoe inquired not liking where this conversation was going.

"I need you to help me die."

"Mate..." Lofty said.

"No, don't try and talk me out of it. I know what my life is going to be like in a few years time. I know I'm going to lose of my facilities and I don't want to put the pressure of relying on people to help especially not on Cal. I've made up my mind. Let me go while I still have control over my own body."

"Ethan, are you sure you want to do this?" Zoe asked.

"Yes."

Zoe couldn't agree with Ethan's request and now understood why Cal didn't want to make that decision. There would be no going back once the deed had been done. Ethan noticed her hesitation.

"Please, Zoe." Ethan begged. "I can't live like this."

Zoe looked to Lofty and Max. Both of them nodded their heads accepting Ethan's decision. They all knew it wasn't what they wanted but, they couldn't let Ethan suffer. If he wanted to go then they would help him. Ethan laid back against the pillow as Zoe injected him with the drug.

"Tell Cal I'm sorry." Ethan whispered as his eyes closed for the final time.


	12. I'm Sorry

Once Zoe was sure Ethan had closed his eyes she placed two fingers upon his neck to check. He still had a pulse. Ethan had assumed when Zoe injected him with the drug it would be the drug which would end his life, but he was wrong. There was nothing in the syringe. Zoe couldn't bring herself to end Ethan's life. Even though she knew it was what he wanted she just couldn't. She would not play God. Yes, she knew what his life would be in the future however, for now he was doing fine. Most of his symptoms were mild and because they were mild she would not end his life, not until they became unbearable. Ethan would continue to have their support until the final days of his life. She was not prepared to give up on him this early. Zoe looked towards the other two and indicated for them to leave.

"Are you sure about this, Zoe?" Lofty asked once they were back down in reception.

"I'm sure. I know it goes against hospital policy and the patient's wishes, but I'm not prepared to lose him this early. He'll understand."

"Understand? You saw how distressed he was. He's not going to be pleased with you." Max stated.

"And I'm not prepared to end his life. I can understand where Cal was coming from when he said he couldn't make the decision to switch of the machine."

"I don't mean to sound rude, but, isn't that a bit rich coming from you. I mean you were the one who insisted Cal let him die." Max added.

"Look, I know what I said. And I was wrong. I know Ethan wants to die, I know Ethan is suffering but, for now he's doing as well as can be expected. His symptoms are not too severe that he can't cope on his own. "

"But, Zoe, he knows what's coming up." Lofty said.

"I'm not going talk about this anymore. What's done is done." And with that Zoe returned to her other patients.

Max and Lofty both looked at each other. They could understand where Zoe was coming from, like they understood where Cal was coming from but, it was Ethan's choice. And going against his wishes was disrespectful. Zoe sighed, it had been a tough day especially with what had happened with Cal and Ethan. She knew though she had to keep her composure. There was a quiet knock at the door and Connie entered. She took a seat without being offered.

"Do have an update on Cal's condition?" She asked crossing her legs.

"Not that I know of." Zoe replied.

"Okay and how's Ethan?"

"Alive."

"Well, of course he would be alive." Connie replied confused. "Why wouldn't he be?"

"Because he's just asked me to help in die."

Connie remained silent for a few moments. Then regained her composure.

"Zoe, you know that goes against hospital policy."

"Don't. I've already had the lecture from Lofty and Max."

"Yes, well they were right. Keeping someone alive against their wishes is undignified."

"Don't you think I know that?" Zoe snapped back.

"Of course, I do. But..."

"But, what. After what happened to Cal when I told him he had to switch of the machine I finally understood where Cal was coming from. It's just not Ethan's life that would be affected."

"I know, but it's not our decision to make. I know Ethan's being selfish, but so are we. We're keeping him alive against his wishes. Ethan doesn't deserve that."

"I'm sorry, Connie I just can't do it. I know this is selfish but, Ethan will remain alive until his final days."

Connie just nodded and left. Before she walked out the door she stopped.

"You know the Board will hear about this and there will be consequences?"

"I do."

"Well, I'll try and persuade them to not bring it to an inquiry."

"Thank you."


	13. Why Didn't You Let Me Die

Cal's eyes flicked open as he adjusted to his surroundings. He could feel his head pounding and he wondered whether it was because he ad too much to drink. Opening his eyes a bit wider he could just make out a figure, his vision was blurry to see who it was. His eyes soon got used to the light. He blinked a few times.

"Cal, how are you feeling?" Rita asked shining a torch in his eyes.

"Groggy and my head hurts. Why does my head hurt?"

"You've just come out of surgery."

"Surgery?"

And then he remembered. He remembered being on the roof, remembered shouting at his friends that there was no use being alive if Ethan was going to die. Ethan. Was he alive or had Cal switched off the machine? Cal tried to sit up but, Rita pushed him back down.

"Rita, how is he? How's Ethan? Did I switch off the machine? Oh God, did I kill him?" Cal rambled panic feeling his whole body.

"Cal, it's okay. No, you didn't switch off the machine. Ethan's still alive."

Cal leaned back on the pillow and sighed. Thank goodness.

"Can I see him?"

"I'll go check with Zoe, but I'm sure that won't be a problem." She smiled.

Rita found Zoe in her office. When she entered she notice that Zoe was lost in her own thoughts. She gave a quiet cough before speaking.

"Sorry, to disturb you but, Cal has come out of surgery and is now asking he can see Ethan."

"Uh, right..."

"Zoe, are you okay?" Rita asked sensing something was bothering her.

"Yeah, everything's fine. Tell Cal he can go and see him."

Rita nodded and returned to Cal. She helped him into a wheelchair as he was still a bit too weak to walk. She rolled him to the room where Ethan was. Entering the room quietly the two of them could see that Ethan was sleeping so Rita rolled Cal over and placed him beside his brother.

"I'll leave two alone." She whispered.

"Thanks, Rita." Cal whispered back.

Ethan sensed someone beside. He slowly opened his eyes.

"Cal?" He said and then suddenly his whole body shook as tears fell down his cheeks.

"Eth?" Cal asked grabbing his brother's hand in his. "What is it?"

"Why didn't you let me die?" He pleaded. "Why didn't you?"

Cal squeezed his hand tighter.

"Did you really think I would let you die? I'm not about to lose my brother." He said firmly.

"But, I can't live like this. Why didn't Zoe help me to die?"

Cal looked at Ethan. Did he just heard him right?

"What has Zoe got to do with it?" He asked Ethan.

Ethan turned to face him.

"I asked her to help me die. I told Zoe to end my suffering."

"Oh, Ethan." Cal cried as tears formed in his eyes. "Don't say that. It's a good thing that she didn't help you because what am I supposed to do without you? I'm not going to let you kill yourself either."

"Cal, you have to. We both know it's easier this way. I don't want to end my life with no control over my body. I want to end while I have the functions to do so. Please, Cal just let me die. Help me to die." Ethan begged.

Cal firmly shook his head.

"No."

"Cal..."

"No, Ethan! Don't ask me to do this. Don't ask me to kill my brother. I know I don't want to watch you suffer, I know I don't want you to waste away in front of me, but I want to spend the time I've got left with you. I want to spend the last few years with you. I know what the future holds and I am prepared to take care of you."

"Cal, I don't want to be a burden on you."

"No, don't say that." He replied quietly stroking his brother's hair. "You won't be a burden. You're my little brother and it's my job to look after you. I'm not going to let you give up just yet. I will be there for you. Whatever it is we will get through this together."

"Please, Cal. Just let me go. I don't want to end up in a care home in my final years."

Cal stood up from his wheelchair and climbed into the bed beside Ethan. He wrapped his arms around his brother and pulled him against his chest.

"You won't go into a care home. I'll look after you. I promise." He sobbed into his brother's hair.

"Don't make promises you can't keep. You know as well as I do that those with this illness end up in care homes later on. Don't say I won't." Ethan told him.

Cal tightened his hold on Ethan as the grief overtook him. Ethan grabbed onto him.

"I love you, Cal."

"I love you too, Nibbles."

Ethan pulled away from their embrace and looked Cal in the eyes.

"Then let me go." He said softly.

Cal looked at him, his eyes stained with unshed tears and shook his head.

"Don't, Ethan. Please don't ask me to do this." He whispered as he placed a kiss on his brother's head.


	14. Time to Let Go

**_12 months later…_**

Ethan sat in his wheelchair, hands uncontrollably shaking. Cal was sitting in front of him.

"I-I-I told y-o-o-u I w-w-would end u-up in a-a-a care h-h-home." Ethan managed to say.

"I'm sorry, Ethan. I was only doing what I thought was best." Cal explained.

"Y-y-you s-s-s-should have l-l-let me die w-w-when I-I-I t-t-told you to."

Cal shook his head. He still didn't want to end his brother's life, but he could see that Ethan was suffering. Cal grabbed Ethan's hand, but he pulled his hand away.

"Ethan, please." Cal said sensing his brother was angry at him. "I'm sorry."

"Y-y-you're s-s-sorry?" Ethan asked. "Y-y-you're not the one w-w-who's in t-this p-p-position."

"How could I let you die?"

"I-I-I t-told y-you I-I d-didn't want to b-b-be in this p-p-position."

Cal went to open his mouth, but Ethan turned from him sf rolled away. Cal sighed. He hated himself, hated the fact Ethan was in the position he was in. He stood up from where he sat and walked over to where Ethan sat by the window. Hesitantly, he placed a hand on his shoulder. Ethan shrugged it off.

"I t-t-think you s-s-should leave." Ethan told Cal without turning around.

"Ethan..."

Ethan ignored his response. Sighing Cal patted him the shoulder and left. Sat in his car, Cal thumped his fists down upon the steering wheel and screamed. Why did it have to be like this? Why did Ethan have to get the faulty gene? Why couldn't he have gotten it? All these questions rushed through his head. He had no answers for them. Well, not all of them. He then realised if he was the one who had inherited the gene Ethan would be in the exact same position as he was in. Cal took a deep breath and was about to open the car door when he decided it probably be best if he gave Ethan some space. At that moment Ethan didn't look like he was ready to talk and Cal didn't blame him. He was not sure what else he could say either. He knew he would only make the situation worse. Instead Cal drove off back to the hospital. Back in the care home, Ethan watched as Cal drove off. He shook his head. Typical Cal, he thought. Always running when things got tough. He sighed, why couldn't Cal accept what was happening to him? Why did he have to always be the hero? The knight in shining armour? He turned around and rolled towards his bedroom.

As Cal stepped through the double doors of the ED he was immediately confronted by Charlie.

"How is he doing?" Charlie asked walking beside Cal as they headed towards the staffroom.

"Not good." He sighs.

"I can imagine so."

"Look, Charlie I've already had an argument with Ethan about what we... I did, I don't want to have another one with you." Cal replied a bit more forceful that he would have liked.

"Sorry." He responded as he put his hands up. "Didn't mean to."

Cal tilted his head and sighed again.

"No, I'm sorry. I didn't meant to snap. It's just I'm scared for Ethan."

"That's understandable. We all are." Charlie smiled at him offering his support.

"I know. I just need some time."

"Does that mean you're thinking about helping him to die?" Charlie inquired as he and Cal sat up behind the counter.

"I don't know. I guess I have to consider it, now I can see he's struggling."

Cal paused for a minute.

"Maybe, I should have done it when he asked me to, when Zoe and you asked me to. But, how could I?" He wondered.

"We've all had things we wished we did. What's done is done." Charlie reminded him.

"I just don't know what to do."

Charlie patted him on the shoulder.

"You'll figure it out."

With that Charlie left Cal alone. He rested his chin upon his hand to think. He heard the staffroom door open. Cal turned around and saw it was Lofty with Robyn. They both smiled at him. Cal smiled back.

"So, Cal, me and Lofty were wondering which is better; The Nutcracker or Swan Lake?" Robyn asked him.

Cal was grateful they didn't enquire about Ethan because he didn't think he could answer them at that moment in time. He shifted on his stool to face them.

"In what way?"

"Well it's a tradition every Christmas that my family goes to see a ballet and our choice is always Swan Lake." Robyn replied.

"And for mine it's The Nutcracker." Lofty continued.

"So we were arguing…"

"Uh, you were arguing…" Lofty interrupted.

Robyn glared at him.

"We were arguing which one's the best." Robyn finished.

"Which is of course The Nutcracker." Lofty chimed.

"Sorry, mate but, I have to agree with Robyn. Swan Lake is definitely the better one." Cal answered laughing as Robyn whispered 'yes'.

"But, Swan Lake isn't Christmassy." Lofty groaned. "The Nutcracker is."

"Not Christmassy?" Robyn said pretending be shocked. "How is it not Christmassy?"

"Well, it isn't. There's no snow or Christmas trees. No presents."

"Yeah, but mate, it doesn't have to have those things to allow it to be Christmassy." Ca explained. "I agree with you that The Nutcracker does have a Christmas theme and all but, Swan Lake does to in it's own way."

Robyn gave Lofty a smirk and playfully punched him on the shoulder.

"I guess that means we'll be watching Swan Lake." She said as she turned back around and headed back to cubicles.

"Thanks, mate." Lofty muttered.

Cal chuckled as Lofty followed Robyn. He decided he should take their lead and go treat some patients. Better to keep his mind of his worries about Ethan for now. Reaching for his stethoscope from his locker Cal placed it around his neck and walked towards reception. Arriving at reception he leaned against the counter while he waited for Noel to finish his conversation on the phone. Soon Noel ended the call and placed the receiver back down.

"Noel, are there any patients that need to be treated?" Cal asked.

"There's a Mr. Thompson in cubicle 4, a Miss Jones in 5 and a young boy aged 5 in cubicle 10." Noel answered handing Cal the three files.

Cal nodded. With the files in hand Cal reached the first cubicle. Mr. Thompson's injury was only a cut on his hand. The injury was too deep, all it needed was disinfecting and a plaster. Same went for Miss Jones in cubicle 5. Her injury consisted of only a sprained wrist and a few scrapes on the palm of her hand. Cubicle 10, on the other hand was a bit more serious than the other two. Cal drew the curtains open. For a few moments he stood in shock.


	15. Memories

Sitting on the bed sat a young boy, blond curls and glasses. He looked exactly like Ethan. Cal quickly regained his composure and drew the curtains back around.

"Hi, there. My name is Dr. Knight but, you can call me Cal." Cal told the young boy.

The boy nodded slowly. Cal walked up to him and sat down beside him.

"So what's your name?" Cal asked.

"Ethan." Came the reply.

"Ah, I've got a brother called Ethan. So Ethan, can you tell me what's the matter?"

Before the kid could answer the curtains were drawn and Cal saw a boy, around 15 years old enter.

"This is my brother." Ethan replied.

"He is?" Cal said. "And what's his name?"

"Matthew. My name's Matthew." Replied Ethan's brother.

"So you were going to tell me why you're here." Cal turned back to Ethan.

"I've had difficulty breathing."

"Okay, do you have asthma?"

"He does." Matthew replied.

Cal took his stethoscope and placed the cold metal against Ethan's back and chest. His findings showed there was a small bit of wheezing in his lungs. Alright with what he found so far, Cal informed Ethan to stay in cubicles while he went to get one of his colleagues. With Zoe following him, Cal returned to cubicles. He had just drawn back the curtains when he was met with a laboured breathing sound. Zoe and Cal rushed over to the bed.

"Cal, what do we have here?" Zoe demanded as she took out her stethoscope.

"This is Ethan, aged 5 had difficulty breathing. He had a slight wheeze when I checked him." Cal replied.

"Okay, his breathing is getting worse. Let's roll him into RESUS." Zoe ordered.

They rolled the trolley into RESUS with Matthew following worriedly beside his brother.

"Matthew, you can't go in there. Let the doctors do their job." Cal said as he held the boy back.

"LET ME GO!" Matthew shouted.

"Matthew..."

Cal tried to say but, Matthew wasn't listening. He just turned and ran. Ran out of the hospital. Seeing Matthew run tugged at Cal's heart. He could see a bit of himself in him. And that made him feel guilty. It reminded him of Ethan and how when they were kids Ethan would get these asthma attacks. Cal remembered it used to scare him to death when he saw his brother turning blue and struggling to breathe. And now Matthew was feeling the same about his brother. Cal went off to look for Matthew while Zoe and the others treated Ethan. It wasn't long before he found Matthew. Matthew was sat on a bench outside the pub with a few tears rolling down his cheeks. Cal silently sat down beside him. He didn't know what to say so he just sat beside the kid. They sat in silence until Matthew was ready to speak.

"Dr. Knight?" Matthew asked. "Do you have a brother?"

"I do." Cal replied. "And please call me Cal."

"Is he older or younger?"

"Younger."

"Well, Cal, what would you do if something happened to him?"

Cal smiled fondly. He knew exactly what he would do.

"I would be there for him. I would protect him and make sure he got better."

"So would I." Matthew agreed. "I can't imagine my life without my little brother. I'm sorry I ran out. I was scared for him."

"I would be too." Cal replied. "And I too can't imagine my life without my little brother."

They sat in silence again. Cal leaned closer to Matthew.

"Would you like to hear a story?" Cal offered.

"Mmhm."

"Well, when we were kids, me and my brother, Ethan..."

"Ethan? Your brother's called Ethan too?" Matthew inquired as he interrupted Cal's story.

Cal nodded.

"Yeah, he's called Ethan too. Anyway when we were kids we used to always go to the park. Well one day I told him it was time to go home, I told Ethan that it would be a good idea to race back. I told him that if he one he could come with me to a football match on Saturday. He nodded eagerly so off we ran. It wasn't too long until I realised Ethan wasn't beside me. So I turned around. I've never been so scared in my life. I saw my brother was collapsed on the floor, his lips turning blue and he was having difficulty breathing. I was like you were with your brother. I wanted to help but, I was scared. I didn't know what to do..."

"What did you do?"

"I remembered that I was his big brother. I remembered it was my duty to look after him. So I ran over to him and told him to stay calm."

"What happened next?"

"Well, the ambulance came and we drove to the hospital. Our mother soon arrived and when she was told I was the one who made the call and was the one who stayed with my brother, she told me how proud she was. She told me I was a great brother and said I must always promise that whatever happens I would always be there for Ethan. She told me that I must always remember to be his big brother. And that was the one promise I've always kept"

Silence.

"Until now." Cal added in a whisper hoping Matthew hadn't heard him. But, he had.

"What do you mean?" Matthew asked.

"Nothing for you to worry about. But, what I'm telling you is that you should always remember you're a big brother. You're a big brother who is needed by his little brother. I know you're scared, I would be too but, so is your brother. He's scared and he needs his big brother."

Cal gasped as he felt Matthew fling his arms around his waist. He smiled and hugged him back.

"Thanks, Cal." Matthew smiled. He then got up and went back into the ED to be with his brother.


	16. Emergency

Cal sat on the bench for a little while longer. Soon he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out not bothering to look at the caller ID and placed the phone against his ear.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"Cal, Connie wants to see you in her office." Noel's voice responded.

Cal didn't even end the call, he just sprinted back to the ED a knot tightening in his stomach. Why did Connie want to see? Had something happened to his patient? Then he realised, had something happened to Ethan? Bursting through the doors he didn't stop running until he reached Connie's office nor did he bother to knock.

"Connie, what is it?" He asked as he burst through the doors.

He would have thought that when he barged in Connie would be shocked. But, she wasn't. She just looked at him sympathetically. Her eyes shining with unshed tears. It was then Cal felt a lump in his throat as he tried to keep his emotions in tact.

"Cal, I'm afraid I've got some bad news…."

Cal didn't hear the rest. He collapsed onto the floor screaming. Screaming so loud that he didn't care who heard him. Charlie along with Rita, Robyn, Max and Lofty rushed in when they heard the heart-wrenching scream. They all gasped and their hearts broke as they saw Cal pouring his heart out. Lofty and Max attempted to steer Cal away from Connie's office and lead him to the staffroom. Cal wouldn't budge. He pulled away from their grasp and started lashing out at anyone and everyone standing there.

"WHY?" He screamed punching Lofty and Max. "WHY DID HE HAVE TO GO?"

Cal kept punching and punching. He was angry at himself, most of all he was angry at Ethan. Why did he have to do it? Why did he have to kill himself?

"Mate!" Lofty raised his voice as he and Max tried to stop Cal from hurting himself. "Calm down. You're going to end up hurting yourself if you're not careful!"

"I DON'T CARE!"

For a moment he stopped punching. Before anyone could stop him he ran out of the office and through reception and to cubicles.

"WHERE IS HE? I WANT TO SEE HIM." He kept yelling as he ran through RESUS. "I WANT TO SEE MY BROTHER!"

Cal just about managed to stop himself from entering RESUS when he finally arrived at the doors. Multiple pairs of feet walked down the hallway and stopped right behind him. Cal knew who they were. He didn't bother to turn around.

"Cal..." Charlie said softly. "Why don't you go in? You should say your goodbyes."

Cal just stood there frantically shaking his head in disbelief. Instead of entering RESUS he just turned and ran. Ran as far away as he could. Lofty and Max were about to go after him when Charlie shook his head.

"Charlie, he's just found out that Ethan's killed himself. You saw how heartbroken he was. He's not mentally stable at the moment, he could do something." Lofty said.

"Very well. Go after him. Make sure he's safe." Charlie told them. "I don't want to lose to friends tonight."


	17. His Final Words

Searching for Cal, Max and Lofty had all sorts of thoughts running through their minds. Thankfully, they just found outside the pub sobbing into his hands. They carefully approached him. Sat on either side of him they didn't speak. Cal was glad they didn't. The three of them sat in silence.

"Cal," Lofty started to say as he pulled an envelope out from his pocket. "Uh, this was with Ethan when Dixie and Iain were called out. It looks like he wanted to say his final goodbye to you before he went."

Lofty handed him the note and indicated to Max to leave him alone. Silently the two of them left and Cal was left alone holding the envelope. What he held in his hands made the grief only too real. He let out a strangled sob as he traced his fingers over Ethan's handwriting.

Taking in a deep breath, Cal carefully opened up the letter.

 _Dear Cal,_

 _By the time you will read this I will be gone. By the time you will get this I will be with mum. I know you'll be angry with me but, I can't go on living like this._

 _I want you to know you mustn't blame yourself, I don't. Well, not anymore. I did at first, when you told me. But, I wasn't really angry at finding out we were adopted I was angry by the fact that you thought you could tell Charlie and not me. Not your own brother. I was angry that I didn't notice something was wrong. Well, assume it was to do with Matilda when it wasn't. I'm sorry I wasn't more supportive when you discovered Matilda wasn't your daughter. I'm sorry I wasn't more supportive when you thought you was in love with Taylor._

 _Even though we've had our arguments, moments where you teased me to no end and called me 'Nibbles' at the most inappropriate times, I am grateful to have you as a brother, Cal. I'm proud to have you as a big brother. I can't imagine my life without you. Writing these words to you is hard and my heart is breaking as I write them, but, my time has come. I have to end it all before it ends it for me. I know you'll have a hard time accepting my decision like you've had ever since I was diagnosed with Huntington's, however this is what I want. Please accept that. Please accept the fact that I want to do this. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I'm not even scared. And when I'll go I'll see mum. I'll tell her you love her. I will also tell her that we know. We know about the adoption._

 _Remember, you'll have our friends' support. Most of all remember that I'll always love you, Cal. Always. And I'm sorry._

 _Forever your little brother,_

 _Ethan_

 _xxxx_

Tears stained the ink as Cal grieved for his brother. He pressed the letter to his chest as he sobbed. His little brother was gone. His safety net was broken. He felt his heart break and his world crumble around him.

Later on Cal didn't know how he got home but, he had. Perhaps Lofty or Charlie had driven him back to the flat. A flat that was full of memories. He didn't realise how much stuff in the flat reminded him Ethan but, they did. The pain was too much to bear. He couldn't stay in the flat any longer. He got into his car and drove. He knew he was in the right frame of mind to be driving, but he didn't care. Why should he? He just drove, drove far away from the flat as fast as he could manage. He drove, drove until everything went black.


	18. His Final Breath

An hour later, Dixie and Iain found him. He had smashed his car into a tree. The impact was massive, there was no chance of him surviving. Their job was difficult when they saw who it was. It broke their hearts that he had to do what he did. But, no matter how painful it was knowing they had lost two of their colleagues, their friends on the same day both understood why. What was even more difficult was the fact they had to inform the others. Making a phone call would make the task a bit easier, but none of it was easy. Having decided to inform the team in person Dixie and Iain made their way back to the ED.

"He's gone." Dixie announced shaking her head as she and Iain walked through the doors.

The whole ED fell silent and bowed their heads. They didn't need them to tell them who it was. They all knew the moment they came in. Iain walked over to Charlie handing him a letter.

"We found this next to him when we removed him out of the car. It's addressed to all of us. I think he wanted us to open it."

Charlie nodded and turned around so the team could gather round.

 _Dear all our friends in the ED,_

 _I guess you know what this letter is when you receive it. I guess I don't need to tell what I'm about to do. Now that I have nothing left I might as well end my life._

 _Now for the hard part. I have never been the one to show my emotions but, here's a few words I would like to say to you all._

 _I thank you for all the support you've given me ever since Ethan was diagnosed with Huntington's. I don't know what I would have done without you and I am grateful as I'm sure Ethan was that we have such great friends. Working with and spending time with you made me realise how thankful I was to be part of an amazing team. You became my other family._

 _While I know I would always have your support losing Ethan is still too painful to deal with. Ever since our mother died Ethan has always been there for me. Has always been my safety net. Without him, I'm lost. Sometimes I think Ethan should be the older brother, he's certainly more wiser and mature than I am._

 _Anyway that's all I have to say._

 _Cal_

Charlie folded the letter back up. Rita bent down and picked up another piece that had fallen out.

"It's addressed to Ethan." She said.

"Open it." Charlie suggested.

 _Dear Nibbles,_

 _I know you don't like me calling you that, but I will whether you like it or not. Anyway, I'm writing this to let you know I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything I've done to you. I'm sorry about teasing you. And I'm sorry I've never told you how much you mean to me. Now it's too late. I'll never get to say 'I love you' to your face. But, it doesn't matter, I'll say it now._

 _I love you, Ethan. And although I never told you when you were alive or when we were kids I've always loved you. I'm also grateful to have you as a brother. And I'm proud to be your brother. I wouldn't wish for anyone else to be my brother except you._

 _Forgive me, little brother._

 _Cal_

No one dared to speak as Rita finished reading the letter. No one could speak. The team had not only lost two of their colleagues but, their friends as well. Life wasn't fair. That night in the pub everyone raised their glasses for the two brothers.

"To Cal and Ethan."


End file.
